Have you ever felt behind in life?
As I have conversed with friends and family over the last few weeks I have been intrigued by this commonly appearing sentiment uttered in discouraged and frustrated tones. Particularly as it is something I, myself, have been battling in the depths of my mind with 2023 rapidly coming to a close.
It is a feeling that I am not where I should be, or the knowledge that I am not where I dreamed I would be by this age, accompanied by a desire to change and be more....
more advanced in my career
more adept at managing my blog
more energized
more focused on my dreams
just more than I am now, sitting in my living room caring for my home, two dogs, and working a part time virtual gig from my study in Oklahoma.
And I find it funny, really, that I feel behind, because to be behind there must be someone or something I perceive to be in front of me. Yet, last I checked there was no scorecard for life ranking us by how quickly we buy a home, get married, have children, or advance in our careers.
There is no schedule, yet, here we are frustrated by this idea.
This expression does seem to be more prevalent today, likely relating to the vast social media landscape, providing us with easy access to the lives of people across the globe sporting a large range of lifestyles.
It makes comparison - the thief of joy - incredibly easy in our day and age as your social circle is no longer the only frame of reference for what is possible in this life.
Before the advent of social media if you possessed no knowledge of the seventeen-year-old halfway across the country who just purchased her first Tesla, the twenty-year-old who bought a beautiful first home, or the twenty-five year old millionaire. Now, however, your feed is flooded with people's highlight reels, and we see a lot of people living exceptional lives being portrayed as normal. How could you not feel as if you have done something wrong at 24 to be where you are at this moment when your focus is on these things?
But it is time to challenge this idea and boldly claim that you may not be where you expected, but you are EXACTLY where you were meant to be in 2023.
See, there is a danger to this idea that you are "behind." But thoughts like these left unchecked can wreak havoc on our lives as our thoughts drive our emotions, and suddenly we believe these feelings are facts. This leads to incredible frustration, irritability, discouragement, poor self-esteem, and general unhappiness. It's an incredibly negative place to sit in, and it can quickly cause you to spiral to an unproductive and unhealthy place.
Because the reality is that there is no truth in the phrase: "I am behind in life."
So what truly fuels this idea... I believe there are two major contributing factors if we are honest with ourselves: [1] A lack of contentment, [2] An improper emphasis placed on the values of our culture.
1. A lack of contentment.
I know this one may feel a bit harsh, but its truth is hard to deny – in most of the areas in which we feel behind in life we are wishing for or desiring something that belongs to someone else, rather than being content or satisfied with what is before us. This is something called coveting, defined as a “yearning to have or possess something,” usually that belonging to another [Google Definitions]. The Bible explicitly expresses its opinion on this topic, the ten commandments listing it among the thou shall nots, leaving little room for alternate interpretation. Exodus 20:17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.” While we might challenge the verse arguing that many of the named items are no longer relevant to today, we still see the implications apply as our culture has a:
lust for others that are not our own
desire for status and wealth
desire for another’s lifestyle or manner of livelihood
and anything that is your neighbor’s covers just about everything else.
Living this lifestyle, one of covetousness, does not please the Lord and will never satisfy you. But, there is another opposite way that pleases the Lord and will offer a life of fulfillment, it is living a life of contentment.
As contentment by definition is a state of happiness and satisfaction, we see that covetousness and contentment cannot coexist. Therefore, if we pursue one we will inevitably push out the other. So, how do we pursue contentment in order to release ourselves from this idea that we need more as to not be behind?
Paul, in Philippians, writes to tell us that contentment is not natural to humankind but LEARNED.
Philippians 4:11-12 “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need, I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
If this is true, how do we l e a r n to be content?
Obviously, as I am still struggling with this concept of feeling behind I am not an expert, but these are some of the things God has brought to my mind as I attempt to leave covetousness behind in pursuit of contentment:
Be intentional about keeping a kingdom focused perspective. This mindset helps us to prioritize things according to God’s metric of importance rather than our own, helping to align ourselves and our will more with His. This is more easily done when we keep our eyes upon the Lord, investing in time with Him throughout our day - whether by worship music, biblical podcasts, audio Bible, prayer etc. In becoming familiar with who He is and what is His priority, we come to understand how blessed we are as His children, and learn the desires of His heart. Thus we can keep our minds on what matters for eternity, rather than what temporarily matters on earth.
Work to develop an attitude of gratitude turning our focus from what we DON'T have to what we DO have.
Trust God in a way that says He, through the power of the Holy Spirit, has provided us with a means of being obedient to Him, and living a life of contentment. He has promised our needs will be provided for and that He has purpose for our lives, if we trust Him then we need to believe what He says is true.
Avoid these things that cause jealousy and feelings of in-contentment to arise. Maybe now is the time to take a social media break, realign your priorities and your heart, and focus on what you want to emphasize in the coming months. Then, when you are ready, you can reintroduce media!
Ultimately, however, spending time with God is the best and main way to change your heart’s desire from covetousness to contentment, for only He can change the human heart.
Psalm 37:3-4 “Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” [Meaning as you spend time with Him your heart will be shaped to desire the right things, the things of God.]
Matthew 5:6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.”
John 4:13-15 “Jesus said to her, ‘Everyone who drinks this water [well water] will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.’ The woman said to him, ‘Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water…” [While this woman takes Jesus literally, we know that the well water is the things of this world, but the water from Christ is the Holy Spirit dwelling in every believer, and a relationship with God satisfying that deep spiritual longing for more.]
See, as you spend time with God, and grow to know Him and love Him, you realize that
He is all you truly need and your entire life’s perspective shifts. Not that you never struggle with desiring another’s life again, but you know the truth that you have in your life the one thing that matters most and that is enough. God is enough. Additionally, this love drives you to desire obedience to Him, and by the power of the Holy Spirit you are able to do so, learning to walk in the way of contentment.
2. An improper emphasis placed on the values of our culture.
By this I mean we are listening more to what culture says we should be doing by a certain age or at a certain point along our life’s line, rather than listening to what God is telling us about the trajectory of our life.
See, God did not manufacture us along a conveyer belt, mass producing mankind. Instead, He took time to form each of us from scratch in a very intentional and purposeful manner to the point that we all have different fingerprints – which is insane. And if God took the time to give us each a unique set of fingerprints, why do we believe that we are destined to all live the same life, and if our life looks different from someone on the internet something must be wrong?
*And I am talking to myself here.*
The Bible indicates that just like our fingerprints, our lives each have a unique storyline, no two alike. Psalm 139 demonstrating this reality by informing us that all the days ordained for us were written in God's book before they came to be. Ephesians 2:10 declaring us to be the handiwork of God, created to do His works which God has thought out in advance. And on and on the Bible describes how special and unique we were created, His fearful and wonderful creations. So if this is true, how do we find out what this plan is and live accordingly, focusing on he reason God placed us on this earth, rather than meeting the standard that society has decided upon?
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord will all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” By this verse we see to all and invite God's guidance into our lives:
We need to fully put our faith in the Lord, that He is all that He says and has shown Himself to be.
We must lean on His understanding, for His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than our thoughts [Isaiah 55:8-9]
We must submit to God and His will in ALL our ways, meaning we must fully surrender to God every aspect of our lives – from career to marriage to education to finances etc. - believing that He does know best and thus His ways are best.
And we must have faith that He will make our paths straight, guiding us as we walk this earth fulfilling our mission of spreading the Gospel, representing Christ well, and living out the plans He has designed specifically for us.
And this may look like a house at twenty, or it may look like a house of forty-five.
It may appear as a dream job right out of college, or ten years into your career.
It may be a wedding at nineteen, or a wedding at thirty-five.
No one more superior than another, just different.
That is the beauty of living according to God not culture, there is no set time by which things should be accomplished for you to be considered “on time” or “normal.” No, God has a unique plan for each of us and by comparing and coveting the life of another we are taking our eyes off the life He planned for us and placing them on a life that is not our own and was never meant for us. And suddenly we feel insecure and frustrated, when eyes focused on Christ, we would see we are where we were meant to be all along.
So next time you are feeling left behind, just remember, you are not behind in life. If you have entrusted your life to Christ and submitted fully to Him, He WILL make your path straight.
So, trust Him. Trust that He is all you need in this very moment to be content. Trust that He is everything you will need in every coming moment. Trust that He will help direct your path. Trust that you are not behind, on God’s timetable, you are right on time.