NEDA Awareness Week
I am so happy Alissa asked me to be a part of something so special. At first, I was hesitant to talk about my journey, because I still struggle and have a long road ahead. Then I realized that I will probably be in “recovery” for the rest of my life; sure I will have days and weeks and months where my ED thoughts are few and far between and I feel completely and totally free, but I will also have inevitable periods where I feel stuck. This is just part of the healing process, and it is taking me a while to grasp the concept that this is a LIFELONG recovery. It’s long. It’s hard. It sucks. There are some days where I feel completely and totally like a vegetable, but it can also be the most rewarding process we will ever experience.
I am still facing this battle. Each and every day is a choice- choose your eating disorder or choose recovery. It has taken me over 3 years to figure out that if I allow myself to remain in the comfort zone, I will NEVER recover. And I fully admit, there are some days where my ED wins, but I am in a much better place mentally and physically than I was a year ago. I also still have to fight these thoughts every day, and win or lose, I have to live with the consequences. I did not like who I was becoming- what I did and said to loved ones left scars I will never forget. The ED completely took over me and made me someone I didn’t even recognize. I was lying to myself, lying to others, and “lying” to God. I had lost my faith in God, a year of college, and my best friend since birth. I cried all the time and I had NOTHING left.
Recovery is NOT easy, and I will be the first to say that. I finally admitted defeat and made the decision that I did not want to live the rest of my life (the little I had left) in chains. I got the help I needed, had all the support of my friends and family, and finally found my relationship with God that was nearly diminished. I am now back in nursing school and looking to God as my anchor. I am not completely and 100% “recovered” yet, but I am very proud of the progress I have made- mentally, physically, and spiritually. The road ahead is bumpy and curvy, but recovery is a commitment! So, my biggest piece of advice: keep at recovery, it is NEVER too late to recover! God has bigger and better plans for your future, and my ED tricked me into thinking differently. I honestly believed I was so far gone- physically and spiritually- to ever start recovery. I didn’t even think it was possible anymore; but God thought different. Trust me when I say that putting your faith in God, trusting His plans, and pursing Him daily is the ONLY saving Grace from an ED. You can do this, and God WILL help you!!