PA school...
27 months of lectures, labs, simulations, learning
85 didactic exams
11 clinical rotations
7 EOR exams
73,782 patients cared for by the program in different specialties
32,000 hours spent with patients by the program
3 OSCEs
1 Board Exam
But we made it. On December 23, 2022, I became a certified physician assistant.
PA-C if you will.
And while I learned so much medical information that I was unsure my poor, coffee-driven brain could fit anything else, God continued to teach me about life. Even in the midst of cadavers, textbooks, osmosis videos, and my VERY colorful note pages, He spoke to me and guided me. For this, I will be a better PA and a better person.
Step back in time with me for a moment.
It's August 18th, 2020. I am sitting on my bedroom floor staring at the textbooks and planners and lectures staring back at me. My phone rings and in a daze, I slowly slide the little arrow and lift the phone to my ear. Pure joy and excitement floats through the phone and into my space. Kylie. Kylie is checking in with me to see how my first day has gone. Immediately tears begin to flow as I express how overwhelmed I am to tackle the program.
I am one of the youngest. I had no break to work in a medical capacity after undergrad. I feel very behind and unprepared.
But, I’m in so I guess it is one step forward at a time. We will make it…*gulp*… I hope.
Ok, we are back in present time. Thinking back on that moment is humbling. How did I not trust God, who had already orchestrated my steps to get me to this moment, to get me through?
If I was able to step back in time and sit with 21-year-old Alissa, I think this is what I would tell her.
----- 4 Lessons of a PA-S -----
1. ANXIETY: You struggle with this a lot throughout the program, as you have throughout your life. At first it is rocky, there is a lot coming at you all at once. You are overwhelmed, ensnared by perfectionism, and clinging onto control for dear life. Let go. By loading your shoulders with tremendous pressure, you are only hurting your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. But God, my good God, is waiting to help you with your burden.
My first few months in school I suffered several panic attacks. Slowly, God opened my clenched fist and helped me surrender PA school to Him. It was not a quick change, but month after month my anxiety diminished. I began to enjoy medicine again and experienced unexplainable peace. My fear turned into faith. It was no longer “I don’t know if I can do this.” It was, “God has done it before and I fully trust He will do it again.” Amazingly, as I sat down to take my boards there was no fear or anxiety present. Just confidence and trust in the one who holds my tomorrows. He would work it all out for my good no matter the result. What a good God we serve.
2. PERFECTIONISM: You will lose your 4.0 streak spring of 2021. Calm down, it is for the best, because in losing that the chains of perfectionism were loosened. You realized life was not all about being perfect, but embracing the raw, real, messy you. You learned how to give yourself grace and simply enjoy the ride. Your love for medicine was renewed and while you did not finish with perfect grades you finished with so much more.
At first, I did try to maintain my perfect record. To be honest, I cannot tell you why. My best guess is I have always seemed to let numbers define me. But in these past 2 years their grip has lessened. I realized God does not require perfection but progress. He wants us to continuously be pursuing a deeper faith and further likeness to Christ. Christ literally died to free us from the perfection needed to be in God’s presence because it was unattainable. The freedom I feel now is beautiful.
3. FAITH: Your faith will be challenged these two years; in ways you would not begin to imagine. Even in the face of loss you persevere, never losing hope or caving in. You stand firm in your faith and spend several months watching God fight for you in incredible ways. Always arriving and rescuing you in the nick of time, obstacles falling at His feet. Not only will you make it through school, earning your diploma and becoming certified, your faith and love for God will be all the deeper for it.
As a Christian, you might not make it in medicine because there will be things you face you may disagree with and with your beliefs there is concern you will not handle it well [paraphrased]. Ouch. Upon hearing that as I approached my clinical year, I was shocked and confused. I grew up in a Christian home and attended a Christian school until the day I graduated and proceeded to University. No one had questioned my faith before. I responded in the only way I knew how, by sharing the love of God. And how special it was to watch Him make a way and show me the intimate relationship of medicine and faith throughout my clinical year. They can be balanced, and medicine can be practiced without compromise. He is good.
4. IMPOSTER SYNDROME: You are still working through this one. Feeling behind, feeling like an imposter. You are young, but you have earned your spot in this program and now as a certified physician assistant. So, despite your inner critic be confident and proud of what you have achieved. Keep studying hard and embrace each experience. You have got this.
Imposter syndrome is very common in the medical community. And while I felt like I was the only one with this experience, I quickly learned by the openness of others that even some of the residents and providers I work with sometimes battle these thoughts. Although it is still easy to slip into these thought patterns, I continue to remind myself of all the hard work and preparation that brought me to today. I have put my heart and soul into this career, and I have God, the ultimate good healer, who is with me every step of the way.
When I went to graduate on December 13, 2022, my school asked me a series of questions concerning my time at the program. One asked what my thoughts were of PA school both before and after completing the grueling 27 months. This is what I said, and I think it sums this all up well:
"Before PA school I was nervous. I knew PA school was going to be a challenge, but I do not think I was aware of how difficult it would truly be. By the end of my time, I developed a deep gratitude for the difficulty because it helped me become the PA I am today. For that, I will always be thankful."