Cultivating Positive Body Image: Breaking Cultural Chains & Empowering Others

I think a lot about the garden of Eden and the phrase:

“Both the man and his wife were naked yet felt no shame.”  Genesis 2:25

Thousands of years later, struggling with body image, I cannot fathom what that must feel like. The complete freedom and joy of living in your own body. No worries about diets, exercise fads, and the pressure of diet and bounce back culture. Really, likely no passing thought of their bodies at all.

But then, sin entered, and God’s perfect paradise became tainted. There was a new awareness of their exposure, there was shame, and somewhere along the line visual attraction and perfect bodies became the cultural standard – not something we are born with but something we all learn from a very young age.

And most days struggling with body image seems inevitable, an unavoidable byproduct of living in a world that praises outward beauty over inward character.

But I am a mom now, and my thinking is changing.

_____________________________________________

Every day I scoop my daughter from her crib, tucking her against my body and softly letting her settle into the world of light again. She yawns, stretches, hides her face in my chest. We descend the stairs. I pour myself a cup of coffee, and she tells me about her dreams in a language all her own.

Mom and daughter enjoying a coffee date, sharing smiles and their mutual love for the cozy beverage.

I dance around the kitchen, cooking, cleaning, putting away yesterday’s dishes. Her eyes follow my every move – wide, curious, and consuming. Our eyes meet and the widest, toothless grin covers her face as she rests in my gaze, the gaze of her mom.

We go about our day like that: me tending to the needs of our home, dogs, and my sweet daughter, and her watching me.

And as she watches she learns. She learns how to navigate emotions, how to treat friends and family, how to communicate… and she learns how to view her body.

A joyful experience between a mother and daughter in a vibrant lavender field, surrounded by lush greenery and clear blue skies.

Because my daughter will not think negatively about her body until she is taught to do so,

and so I find myself in a position of great influence and responsibility to teach her how to love and embrace the body God has given her before culture tells her she shouldn’t.

I have the responsibility to give her a strong foundation by which she can counterculture as she grows. A foundation built on how God views her, with an eternal perspective.

---

 And whether we realize it or not, especially as women, we all have times in our lives when we will be provided an opportunity to either speak life or death over someone and their fight with body image.

As Jess Connolly said in her book Breaking Free of Body Shame:

“Women are watching you. Your daughters, sisters, mother are watching you. The gal who babysits for you, the one who sits two rows behind you at church, the other students in your school. Your roommate, your barista, the gals in your exercise class. They are all up against the same fight, the same struggle, whether they know it or not. The enemy of their souls is waging the same war against their bodies and their understanding of their worth. And that’s not to say it is all up to you, or that you have to be the hero. Jesus is the hero! He’s got them. He loves them. He has a plan for their redemption. But you can be a part of His plan.

We all get to choose whether we’ll play a part in the journeys of the women around us as they come to see their bodies in a kingdom light, or whether we’ll contribute to the cultural soundtrack that is keeping them in bondage.”

Four generations of women share a joyful moment in a vibrant lavender field, surrounded by lush greenery and a serene summer sky.

So, how do we help ourselves and other women come to see their bodies in a kingdom light? How do we help this next generation grow and stand on a strong spiritual foundation, seeking their worth in Jesus and knowing how to view their bodies in an eternal way – as vessels to be stewarded on earth, not projects to be perfected.

1.  Use language that edifies – both others and ourselves.

In conversations with other women, I too often hear passing phrases about the need to lose weight, go on a diet, or a criticism of some portion of their body they believe needs to be altered. And unfortunately, I also hear women internalizing the harmful cultural narrative relating to body image and placing that pressure on those around them. Now, I understand having negative thoughts about your body is incredibly hard to control, but we can control our language and what we choose to communicate to others or around others. If we decided to only speak positively about our bodies and the bodies of others, imagine the transforming power that would have? Our words shape our world and thus we need to use them wisely. Look into the mirror and speak life and truth – it will have an impact!

To help my daughter learn to love her body, I: a) avoid negative self-talk around her, and b) ask other women in my life to partner with me, avoiding such topics when she is around as they too can influence her perception of her body.

2.  In speaking about exercise and food discuss it in terms of stewardship, not self hatred.

Instead of we eat healthy and exercise every day to lose weight, I tell my daughter that we eat healthy, so our bodies have all the nutrients they need to grow big and strong, functioning as God intended. This does not mean we avoid sugar! Balance is part of health. Likewise, exercise is not about getting the perfect shape or having shredded abs, but about building strong bones, to keep our heart healthy, and for our overall mental and physical well-being. We do these things not because we have to for cultural acceptance, but because God blessed us with these bodies to live in while we exist on the earth, and it is our job to take good care of them.

3. Teach them an eternal mindset.

Our bodies are temporary, as are the earth and all the desires and pleasures of it [1 John 2:17]. Yes, they are a part of our life on earth and as previously stated, we need to be intentional about stewarding them well. However, when we focus too much on our bodies, it reveals a misalignment of our priorities. God did not put us on this earth to achieve a certain body image, He has placed us in this exact era to be His ambassadors, reaching immortal souls for Himself, helping Him redeem them and save them from eternal darkness. Our bodies are merely our instrument and vessel to achieve this great calling and other ministries He might guide us into during our short time here. Though hard to grasp at times, eternity being something hard to fathom, we need to live with this perspective to help us remember what on earth truly has value.

4. Reframe thoughts and experiences.

Inevitably, our bodies change with the seasons, and there will be occasions that threaten the peace and progress we have found in Christ. These things may not be controllable, but we can and should challenge them. When we no longer fit into our jeans, it is not a failure, but a sign of growth and life – and an excuse to go shopping! We learn to view makeup, not as a means to cover blemishes and improve an image we think to be unattractive, but to look fancy and for the fun we find in it. Our mirrors are no longer a place for criticism and body checking, but as a tool and place we can speak truth and thanks to our bodies. And while it may seem silly, we are teaching those around us to see differently these things demonized by culture and by repetition are rewiring our brains to think differently.

5.  Pray.

God is big enough, and He cares. It breaks His heart when we do not realize the value, we have in Him and believe the lies of the enemy rather than the truth He has laid out for us in Scripture. So, in the fight for our body image and self-worth there is no better power to invite in for ourselves, and as we intercede on behalf of others – especially this next generation. As we faithfully do the work to embrace our bodies and unlearn the messages of culture, let us be quick to kneel before the One who can bring real and lasting change to the human heart.

It will be a fight. The messages of culture are loud and demanding, the lies of the devil well crafted. And with the battlefront occurring largely within our minds and hearts, “[our fight] may be quiet, and it will probably be messy, but it can begin today.” Jess Connolly

A mother gently supports her daughter as she takes her first steps in a field of vibrant lavender.