I wonder how many of you can relate to this conversation:
*me staring in the mirror*
me: okay... I am really loving this outfit today! She is looking GOOD!
mind: hey...
me: what? is something wrong?
mind: oh no... well... I mean don't you think those pants make your hips look like really w i d e?
me: I mean I gue-
mind: and since you asked, I mean I don't know that you want to wear a shirt that doesn't fully cover, your stomach has looked a bit... soft… lately.
me: but I’ve been going to the gym, I feel really good!
mind: ya well, maybe it isn’t working… and have you noticed your pants are a bit snug around your thighs now. Man girl, you’re really losing it.
me: maybe I don’t look so good after all… and suddenly insecurity washes over me, and I feel like a deflated balloon.
I can almost see your heads nodding. Why? Because this problem is not individual to me or you, it is pervasive in the culture of America.
Don’t believe me, let’s look.
What is the reality of body dissatisfaction in the United States?
69 – 84% of women in America experience body dissatisfaction, desiring to be of a lower weight than they currently are [1].
As of 2020 there were approximately 167.5 million women in the United States. If 84% of women feel dissatisfied with their body, that means 140.7 million women do not like their figure – that is about 1 in 2 women. So out of every 2 of your women friends, 1 hates their body and wishes they looked differently. That is HUGE, and it should also show you that you are not alone.
In the teenage category we see that 62.3% of teen girls and 28.8% teen boys are trying to lose weight, 58.6% of teen girls and 28.2% of teen boys are dieting, and 68.4% of teen girls and 51% of boys exercise with the goal of losing weight [2].
Our kids that are supposed to be worrying about their first kiss and college applications are also consumed by doing what they can – through dieting and exercise, and sometimes eating disorders – to fit the cultural standard of beauty and attractiveness. And we see the pressure is felt by BOTH boys and girls.
Looking at preadolescent ages – 50% of preadolescent girls and 30% of preadolescent boys dislike their body [3].
The preadolescent age range refers to those 9-12 years old. These are elementary and middle school ages, ages we would still consider to be children. And already, at this young age, they have learned to dislike their body. A body that is not even close to being fully grown. A body that has barely, it at all, started puberty. This shows us that not only is the problem NOT confined to adolescence and adulthood.
And to me, the saddest stat of all, this idea of disliking their body often begins at age 6.
This is the age where the CDC determines we start to think about the future, understand some about our place in the world, develop concern for others, grow in independence, can tie their shoes, dress themselves, and catch a ball more easily only using their hands.
See, this body dissatisfaction is far reaching, leaving few who can understand untouched by its poisonous reach.
This grieves my heart. Yet mine is not the only heart that is grieved.
There is another affected, though we often forget as it feels so intimate an issue.
The heart of our Creator.
I have been reading this book – Breaking Free From Body Shame [by Jess Connolly] – and she comments on this:
“We’ve been sold and told a collection of messages about the very container where we experience ourselves, God, His people, and the world. The problem with most of what we’ve bene told is that it’s biblically untrue. It doesn’t line up with the heart, character, and overall message of God and His gospel.
It’s not how God would talk to His children or how He has spoken to us about our bodies, but nonetheless, the collection of messages has been delivered by His spokespeople and attributed to His kingdom society.
I believe He is grieved. I believe that the God who created the universe longs for His children - specifically, His daughters – to know the value and beauty and worth He ascribes to their bodies.”
Here she touches on a truth I often miss as I look in the mirror. I see God as separate, someone up in heaven who is not intimately linked to me. But God is our FATHER, and just as my husband or dad's face falls when I talk so negatively about the person they love so deeply, how much must God be grieved. God, who is our FATHER and CREATOR of the body we pick apart every day.
From this I developed 2 thoughts that have helped me combat those pesky lies about my beautiful body:
1. God is not just a creator, but my creator.
When we read the creation story in Genesis we learn a few things about God’s creation of man – 1) after the creation of each earthly element we see Him label them good, but with man very good, 2) God was very intentional with the creation of man, and 3) God took great care in our formation [seen very clearly in Psalm 139].
So, like Jess says – “I believe our bodies were made good by a Father who doesn’t make mistakes.”
Yes, when we invited sin into the world our bodies and this earth became imperfect, losing their original perfection that God had intended. Yet, we are still a creation of God. God still knits us together in our mother’s womb. We can still know our bodies were made good by our brilliant Creator.
And I thought about how we still look outward at the world and see God’s creations as beautiful and breathtaking masterpieces, but we look at the mirror and see God’s creation as ugly and wrong as if the same God did not create both.
And I started to think about how much of our bodies are reflected in creation, and how much of creation has been reflected in our bodies:
The blue veins that run across my arms carrying blood of life, as the waters run through rivers and bring life to those who drink of it.
How my stretchmarks look like lightning bolts dancing across my skin.
The reality that our eyes hold the depth of the cosmos in their gaze.
The hairs covering my arms reflecting the tallest, finest of green grasses.
And the imperfections on my skin reflect the beautifully marked surfaces of the planets.
How my fingerprints are seen in the rings of trees,
And how my folds look like perfect dunes of sand.
And I realized God thought about all the most beautiful pieces of creation, and He incorporated their design in the most amazing ways into the creation of man. The pinnacle of all the created things. And if I saw all of these things – these creations of God – as beautiful, and I believe they were made good by God, and I can find traces of them in myself, the only logical conclusion is that I too am good and beautiful.
2. My body is a gift from my Father.
I have only recently come to this conclusion, but I realized my body was given or gifted to me at birth by God. And learning to view my body as a gift has shown me one very important thing: If my body is a gift of God, I am called to steward it WELL.
This means:
Nourishing my body well & giving it the nutrients it needs for adequate daily functioning.
This means moving my body to allow it to grow and become strong, without pushing it to the point of breaking.
It means balancing my sweets with fruits and vegetables.
It means still eating those sweets.
It means listening to how my body feels rather than an arbitrary number.
It means listening to the signals God placed in my body to alert me when something is up.
It means dressing it in clothes that make it feel comfy.
It means speaking kindly to my body, not overwhelming it with hate.
So, now…
We can use this information to transform that question that rings in our ears all day long – Am I pretty enough? Do I fit cultures standards of beauty? – to the more important question:
Am I living in a way the respects my body and stewards it as the gift from God that it is?
Because in reality we were all made differently, to be unique, to carry our own fingerprint and mark into the world. If there is one beauty standard, it will be quite literally impossible for all of us to fit it – we weren’t made to be the same.
So, we can take this information, learn to embrace our body, reframe our “flaws,” and see ourselves as God’s good creation and to live only in a manner that honors Him with our bodies.
For truly at the end of the day its not cultures opinion that matters, but that of our Wonderful Creator.
1. Runfola, C. D., Von Holle, A., Trace, S. E., Brownley, K. A., Hofmeier, S. M., Gagne, D. A., & Bulik, C. M. (2013). Body dissatisfaction in women across the lifespan: results of the UNC-SELF and Gender and Body Image (GABI) studies. European eating disorders review: the journal of the Eating Disorders Association, 21(1), 52–59. https://doi.org/10.1002/erv.2201
2. National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University. (2003). Food for Thought: Substance Abuse and Eating Disorders. New York, National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse.
3. Alleva, J. M., Sheeran, P., Webb, T. L., Martijn, C., & Miles, E. (2015). A Meta-Analytic Review of Stand-Alone Interventions to Improve Body Image. PloS one, 10(9), e0139177. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0139177