Let’s talk about the little moments.
I distinctly remember those mornings I awoke in recovery and discouragement struck immediately, leaving my body to feel heavy as I dragged myself out of bed to face the day.
Sleepily moving toward the mirror, I would stare at my reflection wondering if there would ever be a day a fully-recovered me stared back. Yet, there I was making little to no progress [or so I thought]. Then I would put on some jeans, my favorite sweater, eat some breakfast, and head out the door to school to spend another day challenging my eating disorder.
WHAT I DIDN’T SEE…
The funny thing about these mornings and the days that followed - I spent the entire day doing things that both resembled and furthered my progress in recovery.
That outfit I wore to school, something ashamed Alissa would never dare to wear due to its accentuation of certain curves she deemed unworthy of being seen.
The mirror she looked in, previously a hated portion of her morning routine as she picked apart the image before her. The same mirror she now peered at without much of a thought.
And the breakfast she grabbed on her way out the door, an important addition to her previous routine.
All things demonstrating that I WAS recovering and becoming a healthier, more vibrant version of myself.
BUT WHY WAS I MISSING IT?
I was judging the progress and success of my recovery based on those big moments that occurred every once in a while, rather than focusing on the day to day wins that occurred in little – but equally important – moments.
And in doing so, I was leading myself to believe that the infrequency of these momentous, overcoming moments = failure.
When, in reality, those big moments are wonderful, but the true work of recovery is accomplished in those little, everyday tasks.
WHAT DO I MEAN BY THIS?
Those big moments are those times throughout the year where you encounter a TREMENDOUS challenge in terms of your recovery from an eating disorder. They generate a tsunami size wave of anxiety that washes over you and leaves you to feel drowned and utterly exhausted in its aftermath. Like….
· eating birthday cake with grandpa on his special day.
· enjoying a nice hot chocolate while strolling through a town littered with Christmas lights
· filling your thanksgiving plate with a normal portion of food
· making it to that ice cream social with your friends
While there is no disagreement that committing to recovery in the big moments aids in your journey to finding food freedom, if you only pursued recovery on the BIG days, you truly would not get very far. Coming around once a month, or every few months, though they are immense in nature, they are not consistent enough to provide lasting growth and the formation of new habits.
IT IS IN THE LITTLE MOMENTS WE ACTUALLY FIND FREEDOM
The process of recovering from an eating disorder goes so much deeper than those landmark moments. It is about learning to reframe your thinking, it is about accepting your body as it is, it is about embracing food in a healthy way, it is about learning to cope with triggers and emotions.
It is a shift in your perspective of your body, food, and identity.
This occurs then, not in the big moments, but in those little day to day decisions to choose recovery anyways. The decision to choose recovery when no one is watching. The decision to choose recovery when your motivation is low. The decision to choose recovery when ED is shouting a bit louder. The decision to choose recovery for yourself.
These decisions, though small, occur a THOUSAND times a day as you face decisions on clothing, how you view yourself in the mirror, social media, meals, snacks, exercise etc.
And over time as you say yes to recovery over, and over, and over, a thousand times a day, you begin to form new habits and new neural pathways that are positive and healthful, acting in opposition to your eating disorder. Creating behaviors and mindsets that cannot be made in the big moments, only in dedication to choosing rightly in the small ones.
SO HOW DO WE LEARN TO APPRECIATE THOSE SMALL MOMENTS?
1. We start to become intentional about noticing them. Do you remember that trend on Instagram reels [sorry I don’t have tik-tok] where people were videoing their daily life so that they could find the magic? Let’s apply that same idea here. You can take videos of your days, pictures, or simply sit and reflect/journal on all you did that day and begin to highlight those moments where you see your intentionality in choosing recovery?
a. Did you add creamer to your coffee?
b. Did you take an extra cookie?
c. Did you put back the snack you meant to binge?
d. Did you post a photo despite your body dysmorphia screaming at you?
These are all those small, meaningful moments in recovery that deserve to be noticed. YOU DESERVE TO BE NOTICED FOR THE WORK YOU ARE PUTTING INTO HEALING AND LIVING!
2. Move past simply acknowledging these moments and turn them into affirmations/encouragements. When you look into the mirror in the morning and feel discouraged, whip out that journal or look at those post-its and remind yourself of all the ways you ARE making progress in recovery. Speak, them out loud into the mirror so that you literally hear yourself emphasizing all those wins. Remind yourself that it is in these little moments that new habits are being formed and recovery is becoming a reality! Not every day needs to be a major, noteworthy, recovery success for you to be successful.
3. Hold the truth in your heart that those little moments in recovery are JUST AS IMPORTANT as the small ones and deserve to be celebrated. If you did the dang thing today and chose recovery, defying your disorder, you are literally choosing to live and that is pretty special.
Gone are the days we gloss over these moments deeming them to be too small or insignificant to be recognized. We are done ignoring their value. Instead, we are going to start being purposeful about noticing and celebrating those little moments.
Because when you are fighting something like an eating disorder, every single act of defiance is something worthy of rejoicing over.
Recovering is a BIG deal. So scream, shout, and dance it out because you are doing amazing!