One of the challenges of recovery is coping with bodily changes and what that means for your current wardrobe.
And maybe the topic of clothing does not seem like it would be such a challenging issue, however, I distinctly remember a Thanksgiving dinner during recovery BECAUSE of feeling unsafe and uncomfortable in my clothing due to the change, or perceived change, of my body during this time.
And some people remarked in confusion that I was “silly” for missing such a lovely, family-centered, holiday due to an inability to put together an outfit that I liked for my body but to me the issue was far from silly. Instead, a simple lack of comfort in the clothes I owned led to dreadful panic, guilt, and shame.
My body was changing, and I had no idea what to do about my closet.
And over the years as I have continued to grow and change with life, I have decided that I wish someone had taken my hand way-back-when and told me that growing out of my small clothes was a sign I was growing into a bigger, better, and healthier life. A life not dominated by an eating disorder, but a life where I was free to grow and change in freedom – just like I was created to do.
So, I am here to tell you today that if you are currently growing out of smaller clothing and having difficulty with your closet during eating disorder recovery, it is a sign that you are progressing and growing into a bigger, better, and healthier life, AND I am here to provide you with some tips for handling all the chaos along the way.
1. SET REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. As you start to nourish your body well, changing your current unhealthy dietary habits, it is unrealistic to expect that your body will not change too. Likewise, as you move through different life stages – middle school, high school, college, career, etc. – it is unrealistic to expect that you will remain stagnant in your growth, able to maintain the same closet items throughout the entirety of your journey here on earth. Bodies were designed to grow and change, so our closet will need to grow and change with it. Setting those realistic expectations and reminding yourself that the changes are a positive thing will help you become better prepared for when those stages hit. Rather than being caught off guard you will be able to shift your mindset quickly knowing you have prepared for this moment.
2. I can’t emphasize this one enough – THROW OUT OLDER SMALLER CLOTHING! That sweater or that one pair of jeans you have hanging in the back of your closet hoping that one day you will shrink enough again to fit them is keeping you from body acceptance, as you are always hoping for the day that you fit those clothes once again. Additionally, they can act as a trigger when we try them on expecting them to fit and they don’t. So, instead of keeping those smaller older clothes around, throw them out and make room for the wonderful new clothes you are going to buy that fit your body and make you feel like an absolute boss.
3. REMIND YOURSELF THAT CLOTHING SIZE MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Not only does clothing size fail to accurately represent the wonderful and beautiful/handsome human being that you are, but in the USA clothing sizing is a little bit crazy and largely inaccurate. I swear my jean size is different in just about every clothing store I enter, why? Because clothing companies have 100% free reign when it comes to deciding how they want to label their items which means that there is a different person in charge of each company’s sizing department and if they all see things differently, well, then a size 8 can mean about 100 different things. So, whenever I go into a shopping spree the one thing, I remind myself is that the number really isn’t a helpful metric at all – instead I need to focus on functionality.
4. FILL YOUR CLOSET WITH ITEMS BASED ON HOW YOU FEEL. So, if we aren’t paying attention to the sizing tag when we are shopping, what are we paying attention to? How we feel in our clothes and their functionality. Do the sleeves hit the right spot on our wrist? Do we like the way the jeans hug our waist or is it too uncomfortable? Can I sit in these pants without worrying they will rip? How will I build an outfit around this top with the clothes in my closet? Using these metrics for clothes shopping helps us turn our attention from a subjective sizing chart to how we feel based on the cut, color, shape, and style of the clothing. It turns the problems we create about the clothes from our body to the clothing item – no longer is it my body’s fault for not fitting the size but it’s the style of the clothes that are off. Also, if we feel confident and comfortable, we are more likely to wear the clothing item no matter the size, and remember you are the only one who will know the size of the item anyways. [For more tips for decreasing stress in the fitting room visit @a.girl.redefined on Instagram to find the reel outlining my top 5 tips for conquering those fitting room scaries!].
5. WHEN YOU ARE STYLING AN OUTFIT AND BEGIN TO WORRY PEOPLE WILL JUDGE YOU BECAUSE YOUR SIZE INCREASED KNOW THAT NOBODY IS WONDERING ABOUT YOUR SIZE. When you see a girl or guy in an airport with an outfit that really catches your attention what is the first thought that runs through your brain? Maybe it’s – I wonder where they got their clothes from? Or wow they are good at picking out and styling different clothing pieces! – you probably never immediately wonder what size they were – as if their size would make a difference in how much you LOVE their outfit. It is the same when people see you in your new clothes! They are not thinking about your size, but about how confident you are, how that shirt really compliments your eyes, and how they simply are dying to know where you got those boots.
And I know that even with all of this in mind changing and growing is going to be a bit uncomfortable – it always is – but just know that changing and growing is a wonderful experience in life. It is what you were made to do. You were made to learn from life experiences, adapt to challenges, grow with each and every new roadblock, and embrace every crazy stage of life comes your way knowing it is only going to make you stronger, smarter, more resilient, and wiser. You were never created to be stagnant. Change is a good thing. Growth is a good thing.
For we cannot grow and progress in recovery if we are staying exactly as we are.